Weddings...

There has been a spate of weddings in my family...Ah joy, you say! Weddings are always good fun. A time to meet people you don't see otherwise, good food, a chance to wear your best clothes and jewellery...Sure, why not??

However, I feel so strongly about weddings that I cannot help but comment on what weddings seem to mean in this present day and age.

I always believed that weddings are an occasion for your near and dear ones to celebrate your union with the person you love. The more intimate the gathering of people, the more special the celebration.

Traditionally Iyer weddings spanned 12 whole days, was a time of merriment for the family and the wedding itself was solemnised within the premises of one's home. Over time, however, the duration of the wedding has become much shorter, wish one could say that about the opulence. A recently concluded wedding in the family was rumoured to be priced at an obscenely high amount that probably only the Mittals could imagine. And the hosts are not even close to being the Mittals....

With the invasion of the media, the saas-bahu saga, Karan Johar and his lavish weddings, traditional weddings, sadly, have become a medley of mixed cultures and ceremonies. It has now become a fashion statement to organise a grand mehendi function with the sangeet, naach gaana, even the trousseau typical of weddings north of the Vindhyas. I don't see them aping any of our customs. Not that I have anything against the multiculturalism that has taken over our lives, but somewhere we have lost sight of reality.

When I chose to attend my best friend's wedding in November 2004, I was pleasantly surprised to find that Karan Johar weddings belong only on celluloid. The typical Punjabi wedding, even the most extravagant of them all, is limited to close family. But for the reception, where everyone who breathes is invited, all other preliminaries and the wedding itself, are intimate and shared with only those who truly care.

What, then, is the point of splurging such an obscene amount of money on a five star mehendi ceremony, a chariot ride and exhorbitant lehengas not native to our culture. People are fed repeatedly and given expensive gifts which invariably they complain about. Weddings have become platforms for families to showcase their wealth. In a country where millions struggle to get one meal a day, yearn to clothe themselves completely atleast sometime in the cold, where orphanages are brimming over with little ones who would appreciate that meal or the gift far more, we insist on giving only to those who don't need anything. I am waiting for the day when people choose to display their intelligence, their education and their humanity instead.

Not everybody is charitable, I agree. And one cannot express anger over the lack of compassion for the needy. But the money spent on weddings can be used constructively, I am sure. What is honestly wrong in a simple, but elegant ceremony that uses only a part of the money, while perhaps building a cache of the rest for the newly weds to start their lives together. The wedding recently concluded could have well funded a decent house for the couple. If education cannot teach us how to value the money it brings us, we are not the enlightened ones in the world and should not claim it either.

Aniruddh and I chose to get married in the presence of a couple of hundred people in a beach house that was quaint and reeked of old world charm. Being the bride's side (we fund the entire wedding), we could not deny the massive reception later for all of my father in law's acquaintances. But a part of me is happy that atleast the wedding was simple. Of course, it goes without saying that while the intelligent crowd appreciated it all, the fools still claimed it was just an attempt to cut cost as my parents could not afford more.

My brother is now set to tie the knot. Thankfully we have, as the groom's side, made it clear that all expenses will be shared, nobody will receive any gifts and the wedding will not have unnecessary attendance or grandeur in any form. I sincerely hope that we can stand up to our convictions and do what is sensible, not what is 'rich'. If you are close to the family or the groom and bride in anyway, expect an invitation...else, we'll inform you and you can bless the couple, if you so wish, from the comfort of your living room.